Fuck the Ducks

Well it looks like the votes indicate that I should be cheering for the Bulldogs, even though all the voters neglected to give any reasons why. Therefore, I will take it on myself to come up with a good reason. Basically, the University of Oregon gave me a law degree worth approximately the cost of the paper it was printed on. And it only cost me somewhere in the neighborhood of $60,000-$70,000 in tuition plus interest. Not only does this degree prevent me from getting legal jobs, but it also tends to make me overqualified for any position not requiring a law degree. The ultimate catch-22. This law school deal is quite the racket to prop up universities' reputations and pull in a substantial amount of money from naive college kids who've been told that they should do things like go to law school and grad school, etc. for 20+ years and that doing so would open up opportunities to them that would allow them to make something of themselves. On the other hand, Mississippi State gave me an engineering degree that was well respected enough for Oregon to realize they could dupe me into paying them money, and likewise it was possibly good enough to actually dupe an ignorant employer into actually offering a job to me at the time. The final deciding difference? MSU paid me about $2,000 a semester to go to school. Oregon was just take, take, take, and never gave anything back. So I say fuck the Ducks. (Refund my 3 years of law school tuition and I'll be rocking the green and neon yellow in Little Rock real quick though)

As someone who hasn't shopped in Abercrombie and Fitch in about 10 years, I was delighted to learn that they have been marketing some creative t-shirts. What lady wouldn't want one of these? Or perhaps an Abercrombie shirt saying "Gentlemen Prefer Tig Ol' Bitties"? Are the ladies with little boobs allowed to even buy these? Can you imagine the discussion going on during a board meeting over which t-shirts get the final go ahead?

CEO: "So Bob, you said you have some great ideas on a new shirt slogan?"

Bob [in extreme redneck voice, think Champ from "Anchorman"]: "Boy do I ever have some good ones, what do you think about 'Gentlemen Prefer Tig Ol' Bitties'?"

[blank stares around the table, Bob smiles ignorantly and begins giggling]

Bob: "You know, big ol' titties, but you switch the 'T' and the 'B'!"

[realization hits the rest of the members of the board as their faces morph from confusion into excitement]

CEO: "I'll be damned Bob, I thought you were out of good ideas after that 'Who Needs Brains When You Have These' t-shirts, but you always seem to out do yourself. 13 year old girls everywhere are gonna love these! What's next 'Virgins Take It In The Ass' or 'I Just Like To Soak'?"

On a personal note, I have been waiting for a pair of Abercrombie underwear that say "Who Needs Brains When You Have This". Unfortunately "this" hasn't really gotten me anywhere. Either woman aren't quite as shallow or I am not that impressive. I'm of the belief that women just aren't that shallow.

I also came to the realization today that the Tyra Banks Show is awful. I usually am still enjoying my movie for the day between 2pm and 3pm, but today I didn't have a movie to watch, so I had on the Tyra Banks Show. Whatever you think about Oprah or Dr. Phil or Montel or Ellen or Maury, Tyra is approximately 12o4 times worse. No charisma, awkward stage presence, not funny, huge forhead, lame crowd interaction. It was bad.

Speaking of Maury, today one of the best slutty daughters ever appeared on Maury. She dropped lines like "I have snuck over 100 men in my room to have sex and I don't even know half their names" and "I want to have a baby, and I'll sell my body to take care of it if I have to", and finally, "I care about me, have sex, doing drugs, and that's it". She was really a work of art. And y'all wonder why men want boys.

Finally today in Dear Abby, a distressed reader sent a letter that his wife "unknowingly" had sex with one of his brothers. Apparently they slept in different rooms while visiting his parents because she was sick, and in the middle of the night someone came in to visit her. "Thinking" it was her husband, they bumped uglies. The next day later she mention how sexy it was for him to come have sex with her in the middle of the night, to which he was baffled but managed to play it off. He confronts his 3 brothers, and they know which one of them made the midnight visit, but refuse to reveal who (pretty sketch imo). His wife still "believes" it was him who came in to satisfy her womanly needs. I mean, can this be real? Does this guy really believe his wife didn't know who it was? And furthermore, why would the wife offer up the information unless she really didn't know? Finally, we would the other brothers protect the brother who was sketchy enough to go fuck the oldest brothers wife while she was half asleep? Sounds like a case for Maury, not Abby, to me. I will say it's a pretty creative way to deny responsibility by the woman, but again we are back to why even bring it up?

After dozens of questions regarding regularity, I guess it's time to provide information to the loyal followers on Dual Action Cleanse. I expect some testimonials about how Dual Action Cleanse has made your bowel movements superb.



A healthy colon is a happy colon.

Fuck the Ducks,
The Tycoon