Panic in the Streets of Starkville!

With news of the impending 1-2 inches of snow in the Starkville area, local residents were sent into a tizzy. Schools were shut down early, grocery stores were running low on bottled water and canned goods, sporting events were canceled, and roads were abandoned. Upon initially hearing that 1-2 inches of snow was on the way, I was excited. I couldn't wait to get outside and make a snowman and a snow angel, but my excitement soon turned into fear and dread as the local weathermen began warning area residents of the dangers of 1-2 inches of snow. What if it ices even though the temperature 2 days ago was in the 70s and the current temperature was barely below freezing, therefore making it virtually impossible that ground, and especially pavement, cold enough to actually make snow stick and things freeze? Of course my engineering and legal mind looked at things logically and was not worried, but I was wrong. Upon being properly scared into action by the local weathermen and multiple phone calls from my mother asking if it was snowing there and warning me to stay in doors, I decided to make a quick run for the grocery store before becoming snowed in. Upon arriving at the Piggly Wiggly, I realized I was not the only resident sent into a winter storm survival frenzy. After gathering myself I made a break for the bottled water and entered into the throng of several hundred thirsty Starkvillians. I took several blows to the head before getting my hands on a 24 pack. As I crawled my way out of the tangled web of bodies, I realized several small children where on the floor being trampled. I wanted to save them, honest, but I knew that if I was to make it out alive with the water I could not take on someone who would slow me down, and if these children had been left behind by their parents, then they must have been a severe hindrance in survival and I knew that my best chance was to also leave them behind. After making it out of the crowd, I sprinted to the canned goods grabbing anything I could. I was briefly disappointed to see that only cream of mushroom soup was left, but I quickly shook my disappointment and realize that if I wanted to make it through the blizzard I could stomach the taste of mushrooms. I only have to maim 4 other frenzied Starkvillians in making it to my car with my bounty. As I cranked my car I noticed, much to my horror, that a snow flake had just landed on my windshield! How would I make it home safely? How would I beat the blizzard?? I briskly calculated the statistics on making it home quickly to beat the blizzard versus driving safely but possibly being stranded between Piggly Wiggly and home once the snow became overwhelming. The stats said to hurry home. On the wild ride home, I encountered many Starkvillians who abandoned their vehicles in an attempt to walk home choosing the safe route in the face of the oncoming onslaught of the blizzard. God bless their souls. Upon a miraculously safe arrival at home, I began breaking down wooden furniture for use as firewood, as my house does not have a wood fireplace and the central heat could be the recipient of blizzard related problems. Thus far things haven't gotten bad, but we have all night to live through this nightmare.

The low tonight is 29 degrees and the high tomorrow is 45 degrees. I hope I make it.

Is it a fire hazard to build a small fire in my bedroom to keep me warm tonight? I would hate to encounter frost bite and be forced to amputate my own toes since I don't have the medical insurance to cover such a procedure.

For all you lawyers out there that think your hot shit for having jobs and what not, I got news for you: you aren't all that. In Brazil, an 8 year old boy passed the entry exam for law school, but was turned away because he hasn't graduated high school yet. He dreams of being a judge one day. And to think, most of you were like 22 or older when you took the LSAT. I bet y'all all feel a little inadequate now, huh?

Is there someone out there who has more hate in their heart than Ann Coulter? I've never been big on politics, and had really only heard through 3rd parties about Ann, but hadn't checked into her stuff on my own. Well the positive thing about the mini storage tycooning industry is that I can do things like read the entire paper front to back. About once a week, Ann has one of her syndicated editorials in the paper, and all I can say is "wow". That's one hateful bitch. It's not even a conservative/liberal thing, she's just got the hate in her heart. You can see it in her eyes. She takes disagreement to a whole new level. I wonder if she realizes that Jesus didn't have the hate in his heart?




Just trying to stay alive,
The Tycoon