Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Signs Of Becoming A True Tycoon
Over the last couple of weeks, circumstances have led me to ponder my future as a tycoon. Attempts to expand my empire have failed miserably and left me doing some serious soul searching. I have asked God to show me a sign whether my future was in mini storage tycooning or utilizing my 7 years of higher education as a lawyer and engineer. Well God has shined down on me with a bevy of reasons to stick with tycooning.
First and foremost, this is my first blog posting from my "new" badass laptop. How did I come into possession of a year old Dell Inspiron 9300? Well, let's just say the Mini Storage Fairy was in an extra giving mood this week. And I'd also like to give partial thanks to Cedric abandoning his mini storage unit and effectively donating his computer to my cause. Yes I have a cause now. My cause is to reinitiate my expansion plans, this time focusing on the west coast instead of the mid-Atlantic region of the east coast. East coasters are kinda assholes anyway. So anyway, back to this laptop, it's all wide screened and shiz without any of the smudges gathered from 4 years of old laptop usage, which not only makes watching netflix online way more awesome, but it increases the enjoyment of my adult video watching. It's like going from watching porn on an old-school curved screen 20" TV to experiencing it on a brand new 50" plasma in HD. I can only assume assume that this computer was sent as the first of many gifts that the mini storage promises to bear should I stick with my tycooning plans. At the very minimal, it was an awfully enticing trap. As for now, I assume that God showered me with this gift to signal that mini storage tycooning was indeed my future and that my 7 years of education were irrelevant.
Secondly, I have accepted and adapted to a lack of social life. In fact, I prefer 94% of my 'human' interaction to be through text messaging, cell phone calls, and e-mails. I actually fear actual human contact. Yeah, I deal with accepting payments and signing leases, but I most prefer the hours of isolation free of renters. At first I craved human contact, especially on the weekends. Now I'd rather settle in with a couple of Netflix movies, Other Kitty, and some alcohol.
Finally, I have actually convinced myself I could write a movie script about a law educated guy who can't find a job and spends his days couch bouncing from friend to friend. There would be a serious of shenanigans of the main character going out and spending the night drinking water (no money) in the corner of the bar alone (no self-confidence) while his friends spent the night chasing ladies, and upon returning 'home' our lovable loser would sleep on a couch/air mattress while listening to his current host and his lady for the night. Just when things appeared to have hit rock bottom, our anti-hero would land a dream job, while karma exacted revenge on his tormentors. I think it'd work. That's obviously a very rough plot outline, but you can piece together what I'm getting at.
Anyone watching the NBA playoffs think that Sasha Vujacic looks like Aldous Snow from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"??
I keep watching Lakers' games and expecting Sasha to break out the air humping and start singing "We Got To Do Something" or "Inside You". By the way, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" is pretty damn solid. You get to see Jason Segel's weiner (which has inspired me to write in a penis baring scene into my blossoming film project) and see a Dracula musical in action, which while sounds lame is actually kinda outstanding.
Doing Something,
The Tycoon
First and foremost, this is my first blog posting from my "new" badass laptop. How did I come into possession of a year old Dell Inspiron 9300? Well, let's just say the Mini Storage Fairy was in an extra giving mood this week. And I'd also like to give partial thanks to Cedric abandoning his mini storage unit and effectively donating his computer to my cause. Yes I have a cause now. My cause is to reinitiate my expansion plans, this time focusing on the west coast instead of the mid-Atlantic region of the east coast. East coasters are kinda assholes anyway. So anyway, back to this laptop, it's all wide screened and shiz without any of the smudges gathered from 4 years of old laptop usage, which not only makes watching netflix online way more awesome, but it increases the enjoyment of my adult video watching. It's like going from watching porn on an old-school curved screen 20" TV to experiencing it on a brand new 50" plasma in HD. I can only assume assume that this computer was sent as the first of many gifts that the mini storage promises to bear should I stick with my tycooning plans. At the very minimal, it was an awfully enticing trap. As for now, I assume that God showered me with this gift to signal that mini storage tycooning was indeed my future and that my 7 years of education were irrelevant.
Secondly, I have accepted and adapted to a lack of social life. In fact, I prefer 94% of my 'human' interaction to be through text messaging, cell phone calls, and e-mails. I actually fear actual human contact. Yeah, I deal with accepting payments and signing leases, but I most prefer the hours of isolation free of renters. At first I craved human contact, especially on the weekends. Now I'd rather settle in with a couple of Netflix movies, Other Kitty, and some alcohol.
Finally, I have actually convinced myself I could write a movie script about a law educated guy who can't find a job and spends his days couch bouncing from friend to friend. There would be a serious of shenanigans of the main character going out and spending the night drinking water (no money) in the corner of the bar alone (no self-confidence) while his friends spent the night chasing ladies, and upon returning 'home' our lovable loser would sleep on a couch/air mattress while listening to his current host and his lady for the night. Just when things appeared to have hit rock bottom, our anti-hero would land a dream job, while karma exacted revenge on his tormentors. I think it'd work. That's obviously a very rough plot outline, but you can piece together what I'm getting at.
Anyone watching the NBA playoffs think that Sasha Vujacic looks like Aldous Snow from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"??
I keep watching Lakers' games and expecting Sasha to break out the air humping and start singing "We Got To Do Something" or "Inside You". By the way, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" is pretty damn solid. You get to see Jason Segel's weiner (which has inspired me to write in a penis baring scene into my blossoming film project) and see a Dracula musical in action, which while sounds lame is actually kinda outstanding.
Doing Something,
The Tycoon
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Vagina Dentata...Fact or Fiction?
So watching the movie "Teeth" earlier this week has me mortified of vaginas. I've been extensively researching online in search of any evidence of actual vagina dentata. Well guys, bad news, vagina dentata is alive and well...and MAN-made. Meet every man's biggest fear: RAPEX. I encourage all male readers to check before diving straight in next time, otherwise you'll experience an awkward visit to the emergency room to get the teeth surgically removed.
Upon this disturbing discovery, my first thought was "When would a woman actually use this?" I'd love to hear feedback from lady followers (all 2 of you). I mean, when does a woman anticipate rape enough that she is able to slip in the RAPEX device? Is it when you are at the bar and start to feel a little too hammered? Is it when you have that first date with the creepy guy you met and said you'd go out with while you were blacked in the wee hours of a saturday morning? Is it at all times? And my second question is, what happens if your fingers slip when putting in the RAPEX device? I can only assume if a finger slips in there, it treats the finger the same way as a weiner, which while not as important of an extremity, would still be very painful.
As for the movie "Teeth", the film just chews up the screen. Funny script, absurd and awesome plot, interesting psychological analysis, B-movie acting, and some of the best wiener decapitation scenes you'll ever see. Seriously, each one of them is uniquely awesome and hilarious and painful. Whether it be the first victim who bleeds to death, or the 2nd victim who has a smaller weiner and squirts blood all over his bed, or the 3rd victim (and step brother) whose weiner is eaten by his dog, "Teeth" never fails to deliver the goods. Overall, I give "Teeth" a solid A- rating and highly encourage any of you looking for something to watch to check it out.
This was an exciting week in my mini storage tycoon growth...my first foreclosure sales!!!!!!! Nothing hardens a tycoon's skin like having to stand up to renters who are $600 behind on their mini storage bills, when they are proposing that they just pay $100 today, and 'guarantee' they'll bring in the rest of their payment next week. It was a tremendous learning experience to judge which renters were being truthful and which ones were fibbing. Not to mention the excitement of waking up early on a Saturday morning and being at the mini storage to auction off units. Basically, I feel as though I am finally a true mini storage tycoon. I finally have a place is this cold, strange, unfair, demoralizing world.
Always checking with his finger first,
The Tycoon
Upon this disturbing discovery, my first thought was "When would a woman actually use this?" I'd love to hear feedback from lady followers (all 2 of you). I mean, when does a woman anticipate rape enough that she is able to slip in the RAPEX device? Is it when you are at the bar and start to feel a little too hammered? Is it when you have that first date with the creepy guy you met and said you'd go out with while you were blacked in the wee hours of a saturday morning? Is it at all times? And my second question is, what happens if your fingers slip when putting in the RAPEX device? I can only assume if a finger slips in there, it treats the finger the same way as a weiner, which while not as important of an extremity, would still be very painful.
As for the movie "Teeth", the film just chews up the screen. Funny script, absurd and awesome plot, interesting psychological analysis, B-movie acting, and some of the best wiener decapitation scenes you'll ever see. Seriously, each one of them is uniquely awesome and hilarious and painful. Whether it be the first victim who bleeds to death, or the 2nd victim who has a smaller weiner and squirts blood all over his bed, or the 3rd victim (and step brother) whose weiner is eaten by his dog, "Teeth" never fails to deliver the goods. Overall, I give "Teeth" a solid A- rating and highly encourage any of you looking for something to watch to check it out.
This was an exciting week in my mini storage tycoon growth...my first foreclosure sales!!!!!!! Nothing hardens a tycoon's skin like having to stand up to renters who are $600 behind on their mini storage bills, when they are proposing that they just pay $100 today, and 'guarantee' they'll bring in the rest of their payment next week. It was a tremendous learning experience to judge which renters were being truthful and which ones were fibbing. Not to mention the excitement of waking up early on a Saturday morning and being at the mini storage to auction off units. Basically, I feel as though I am finally a true mini storage tycoon. I finally have a place is this cold, strange, unfair, demoralizing world.
Always checking with his finger first,
The Tycoon
Monday, May 12, 2008
Law Skillz in a Mini Storage World
So adaptation is a way of life, and today I spent my hours sitting by myself intermittently fielding phone calls and accepting rent payments and figuring out how to adapt my law skillz to my apparent destiny as a mini storage grunt.
Skill #1: Sitting all alone for hours on end.
Who would have thought all those hours sitting alone in the library would prepare me not for working diligently preparing a case for trial, but rather for actually sitting all alone in an office? Without 3 years of training, I'd already be certifiably insane.
Skill #2: Diligently preparing files.
After spending 3 years learning to be a perfectionist and fine-tuning everything in preparation for not misspelling our client's name on their pleading or something, I am now a machine when it comes to perfectly filling out lease agreements and rental files. Not once have I misspelled one of my clie...er...renters' names.
Skill #3: Dispute resolution.
While I didn't actually take a dispute resolution class in law school, it's a skill I'd like to think I picked up just by being in the building for 3 years. Just today perhaps the largest black man I've ever seen came into the office irate because of an error made by my uncle. Despite fearing that he'd eat me or possibly sit on my and smother me, I was able to diffuse the situation and convince him my uncle is an idiot and that he was wrong and I was sorry he was an idiot and wrong, but that's just the way he usually is.
Skill #4: Ethical behavior.
If there is anything stressed in law school, it's that our ethical behavior matters and we should alway be aware of how our behavior will be perceived by others. There have been many occasions where I was very tempted to woo a young lass who entered the mini storage, but I suppressed my hormones in order to maintain an air of professionalism.
Finally, today I spent writing bills instead of doing something constructive like applying for jobs, and low and behold I ran across a renter who is apparently in jail at the moment. It briefly flashed to mind that I could open up and mini storage/law joint venture, then I remembered all those ethics lessons. Bummer.
Oh, and guess what's coming from Netflix tomorrow???
That's right, TEETH. This is gonna be too awesome. Full review forthcoming.
Ashamed to have lost to Rob in fantasy baseball last week :(,
The Tycoon
Skill #1: Sitting all alone for hours on end.
Who would have thought all those hours sitting alone in the library would prepare me not for working diligently preparing a case for trial, but rather for actually sitting all alone in an office? Without 3 years of training, I'd already be certifiably insane.
Skill #2: Diligently preparing files.
After spending 3 years learning to be a perfectionist and fine-tuning everything in preparation for not misspelling our client's name on their pleading or something, I am now a machine when it comes to perfectly filling out lease agreements and rental files. Not once have I misspelled one of my clie...er...renters' names.
Skill #3: Dispute resolution.
While I didn't actually take a dispute resolution class in law school, it's a skill I'd like to think I picked up just by being in the building for 3 years. Just today perhaps the largest black man I've ever seen came into the office irate because of an error made by my uncle. Despite fearing that he'd eat me or possibly sit on my and smother me, I was able to diffuse the situation and convince him my uncle is an idiot and that he was wrong and I was sorry he was an idiot and wrong, but that's just the way he usually is.
Skill #4: Ethical behavior.
If there is anything stressed in law school, it's that our ethical behavior matters and we should alway be aware of how our behavior will be perceived by others. There have been many occasions where I was very tempted to woo a young lass who entered the mini storage, but I suppressed my hormones in order to maintain an air of professionalism.
Finally, today I spent writing bills instead of doing something constructive like applying for jobs, and low and behold I ran across a renter who is apparently in jail at the moment. It briefly flashed to mind that I could open up and mini storage/law joint venture, then I remembered all those ethics lessons. Bummer.
Oh, and guess what's coming from Netflix tomorrow???
That's right, TEETH. This is gonna be too awesome. Full review forthcoming.
Ashamed to have lost to Rob in fantasy baseball last week :(,
The Tycoon
Saturday, May 10, 2008
The Value of a Law Degree?
"Stephen said...
So it's recently been blatantly brought to my attention that law school might not have been one of the better decisions I've made. How the fuck the patent office rationalizes the stance of many of the supervisors saying that they prefer to hire people who don't have law degrees and then pay for them to go to law school at night baffles me. They are worried that after training or after a year, the law degree holding patent examiners will bolt. NEWSFLASH TO THE WORLD, THE LEGAL JOB MARKET RIGHT NOW IS FUCKING SHITTY. The patent office offers examiners the opportunity to sign a 4 year commitment in exchange for a significant signing bonus. When I stressed that I would willingly sign the commitment I am told that many people break their commitment and just forfeit back their signing bonus. Well fuck, how am I suppose to answer that? All I can do is tell them that I wouldn't do that.
So now I've spent the last week writing cover letters for non-law positions apologizing for my misjudgment in obtaining and law degree and subsequently passing the bar, and attempting to persuade them that I legitimately am interested in some kind of real career employment that doesn't require a law degree. On top of that, making $2000 a month at the mini storages won't exactly make living easy when I can no longer defer loans. Throw in the fact that every night I sit by myself in my room on the bed and stare at fantasy baseball stats until I fall asleep, my social outlets consist of being the 3rd wheel to my sister and her boyfriend, and I am becoming incredibly comfortable drinking by myself, and my life essentially blows. Not to mention the only people who hang around Starkville after college are the burnouts and idiots who never had much hope of getting out anyway, and that now includes me who really doesn't have the excuse that i'm only here temporarily since my best job prospect just told me I wasn't among the top 400 motherfuckers they are hiring for the year. My Starkville stay might as well be permanent. I have no career prospects on the horizon. The patent examiner job was my "light at the end of the tunnel" which allowed me to be bitter but humorous about it, now I am just straight bitter and angry. I can take a legal related job (if someone will give a "lawyer" a sub-lawyer position - i.e. legal assistant, paralegal) and hope that it turns into something, but surviving on $15/hour won't be fun with a full load of student loans. I can get some temporary gig doing document review and hope something plays out. But really, I don't have the money to pick up and move back to Portland and do something like that right now, especially if I have to take a chance on temp jobs. Every recruiter I speak with about engineering or law basically tell me the same story about how they have stacks upon stacks of very qualified people with years of working experience and that I can send them my stuff, but the chances of them finding me anything are slim to none. So yeah, fuck the world.
Anyone ever thought that maybe the ABA should limit the number of lawyers that enter schools? There are law schools out there with 300-500 students PER CLASS. That's ridiculous. What about hacking off the bottom 50 or so law schools in the country? You don't have med schools with average MCAT scores under 20, so why should you have law schools with entire student bodies with an average LSAT under 150? Wouldn't this solve a lot of the problems as far as job availability and turn around the recent trend of law students defaulting on loans? Wouldn't this bump up the pay for DAs and PDs? You have 100 people applying for a $36K/year job in the Portland DAs office. For someone with at least 7 years of higher education, that pay is revoltingly low. I know that master-level biomedical engineering students are extremely low-balled when they are offered $37K/year. I mean, does someone really want to go make $35K/year to be a DA in Pendleton, OR? Currently there are so many lawyers, that they know they can continually pay seriously low wages and still have out-of-work lawyers lined up out the door begging for the job. Is this what the ABA wants? Or do they want to reestablish the lawyer as a prestigious profession?
Shouldn't the state bars just toughen standards you say? Fuck no, at that point you already have X amount of students up to their eyeballs in student loan debt. At that point, it's too late. Now I would imagine that every student at a top 100 law school would still find a spot in a school somewhere, even if it's at a slightly lesser school, but wouldn't you much rather have reassess your life goals after undergrad when you are generally either (1) debt free or (2) have debt that pales in comparison to law school loan debt? It might hurt, but I know several people who spent several years taking and retaking the MCAT before they made high enough to get into a school. They were able to get over their initial rejection and either moved on or buckled down and studied harder to make better the next time around. When was the last time you heard of an out-of-work doctor who hadn't committed malpractice or committed a crime? When was the last time you heard of a doctor who made less than $75K-$80K/year (I don't have the actual stats, but I've never seen a doctor having to seriously pinch their pennies once they get finished with their residency, I mean, they may be distraught over having to 'settle' for their Mercedes instead of the Porsche) even if they work in BFE Eastern Oregon or the MS Delta? Is it to much to ask for the ABA to regulate the number of lawyers entering law school so that a graduating lawyer can feel relatively safe that (should they pass the bar) they'll find a job paying them $50K/year starting out? $40K? With the way non-legal employers run from a law graduate, it's the least the ABA could do. Hell, even law firms jobs seeking assistants run like hell from a law graduate.
And now let's ramble on about UO Law Career Services. What's their purpose? They have a booklet of resumes and cover letters you can look at, and they set out sheets for on-campus interview signups. You walk into the office seeking guidance and if you are outside the top 20% (hey, that's like 80% of the people you are supposed to be helping), they just say "it's gonna be tough, you just gotta get out there and apply". Wow, sage advice indeed. The top 20% are gonna get themselves hired with or without career services, unless they are social Neanderthals, career services should be judged by how many of the other 80% get hired. Why doesn't career services work like a recruiting agency? Is it too much for Jane or Merv to pick up a phone and call a former UO law student and say "hey, we have a current UO student here who is looking for a summer intern position in _________ law, think you might have some work for them?" Guaranteed that would establish a much stronger tie between past students and the school, not to mention it would be much more beneficial than just saying "we don't have a list of attorneys on file, but you can look them up online." Isn't your job to get people hired? Me sending a cover letter and a resume to someone who isn't planning on hiring any summer help isn't going to do anything, but you establishing a repertoire with them so that each year they are looking to work with some current UO law students is huge and beneficial. You are career services, your job is to get people jobs, yet all you do is work for the top 20% and leave the 80% who need your help the most to do the job on their own.
Now I get to go back to sitting in a mini storage office from 9-5 by myself watching day time television, and begging anyone and everyone with any kind of real job to give me a chance, while most people gawk in amazement at the lawyer who can't find any kind of relevant work (hey, we are a dime a dozen these days people). At least I now have a GRE to study for, if $37K/year for biomedical engineers with their masters is a low-ball offer, then maybe I can at least make more than the local DA when I get out. I just hope someone is willing to pay for my school this time around.
Anyone that has any experience dealing with bankruptcy want to advise me whether filing for bankruptcy or just defaulting on my loans would be more beneficial?
The Tycoon
so... is this when "the musings of a mini storage tycoon" officially jumped the shark?
it was a good ride w***..."
So it's recently been blatantly brought to my attention that law school might not have been one of the better decisions I've made. How the fuck the patent office rationalizes the stance of many of the supervisors saying that they prefer to hire people who don't have law degrees and then pay for them to go to law school at night baffles me. They are worried that after training or after a year, the law degree holding patent examiners will bolt. NEWSFLASH TO THE WORLD, THE LEGAL JOB MARKET RIGHT NOW IS FUCKING SHITTY. The patent office offers examiners the opportunity to sign a 4 year commitment in exchange for a significant signing bonus. When I stressed that I would willingly sign the commitment I am told that many people break their commitment and just forfeit back their signing bonus. Well fuck, how am I suppose to answer that? All I can do is tell them that I wouldn't do that.
So now I've spent the last week writing cover letters for non-law positions apologizing for my misjudgment in obtaining and law degree and subsequently passing the bar, and attempting to persuade them that I legitimately am interested in some kind of real career employment that doesn't require a law degree. On top of that, making $2000 a month at the mini storages won't exactly make living easy when I can no longer defer loans. Throw in the fact that every night I sit by myself in my room on the bed and stare at fantasy baseball stats until I fall asleep, my social outlets consist of being the 3rd wheel to my sister and her boyfriend, and I am becoming incredibly comfortable drinking by myself, and my life essentially blows. Not to mention the only people who hang around Starkville after college are the burnouts and idiots who never had much hope of getting out anyway, and that now includes me who really doesn't have the excuse that i'm only here temporarily since my best job prospect just told me I wasn't among the top 400 motherfuckers they are hiring for the year. My Starkville stay might as well be permanent. I have no career prospects on the horizon. The patent examiner job was my "light at the end of the tunnel" which allowed me to be bitter but humorous about it, now I am just straight bitter and angry. I can take a legal related job (if someone will give a "lawyer" a sub-lawyer position - i.e. legal assistant, paralegal) and hope that it turns into something, but surviving on $15/hour won't be fun with a full load of student loans. I can get some temporary gig doing document review and hope something plays out. But really, I don't have the money to pick up and move back to Portland and do something like that right now, especially if I have to take a chance on temp jobs. Every recruiter I speak with about engineering or law basically tell me the same story about how they have stacks upon stacks of very qualified people with years of working experience and that I can send them my stuff, but the chances of them finding me anything are slim to none. So yeah, fuck the world.
Anyone ever thought that maybe the ABA should limit the number of lawyers that enter schools? There are law schools out there with 300-500 students PER CLASS. That's ridiculous. What about hacking off the bottom 50 or so law schools in the country? You don't have med schools with average MCAT scores under 20, so why should you have law schools with entire student bodies with an average LSAT under 150? Wouldn't this solve a lot of the problems as far as job availability and turn around the recent trend of law students defaulting on loans? Wouldn't this bump up the pay for DAs and PDs? You have 100 people applying for a $36K/year job in the Portland DAs office. For someone with at least 7 years of higher education, that pay is revoltingly low. I know that master-level biomedical engineering students are extremely low-balled when they are offered $37K/year. I mean, does someone really want to go make $35K/year to be a DA in Pendleton, OR? Currently there are so many lawyers, that they know they can continually pay seriously low wages and still have out-of-work lawyers lined up out the door begging for the job. Is this what the ABA wants? Or do they want to reestablish the lawyer as a prestigious profession?
Shouldn't the state bars just toughen standards you say? Fuck no, at that point you already have X amount of students up to their eyeballs in student loan debt. At that point, it's too late. Now I would imagine that every student at a top 100 law school would still find a spot in a school somewhere, even if it's at a slightly lesser school, but wouldn't you much rather have reassess your life goals after undergrad when you are generally either (1) debt free or (2) have debt that pales in comparison to law school loan debt? It might hurt, but I know several people who spent several years taking and retaking the MCAT before they made high enough to get into a school. They were able to get over their initial rejection and either moved on or buckled down and studied harder to make better the next time around. When was the last time you heard of an out-of-work doctor who hadn't committed malpractice or committed a crime? When was the last time you heard of a doctor who made less than $75K-$80K/year (I don't have the actual stats, but I've never seen a doctor having to seriously pinch their pennies once they get finished with their residency, I mean, they may be distraught over having to 'settle' for their Mercedes instead of the Porsche) even if they work in BFE Eastern Oregon or the MS Delta? Is it to much to ask for the ABA to regulate the number of lawyers entering law school so that a graduating lawyer can feel relatively safe that (should they pass the bar) they'll find a job paying them $50K/year starting out? $40K? With the way non-legal employers run from a law graduate, it's the least the ABA could do. Hell, even law firms jobs seeking assistants run like hell from a law graduate.
And now let's ramble on about UO Law Career Services. What's their purpose? They have a booklet of resumes and cover letters you can look at, and they set out sheets for on-campus interview signups. You walk into the office seeking guidance and if you are outside the top 20% (hey, that's like 80% of the people you are supposed to be helping), they just say "it's gonna be tough, you just gotta get out there and apply". Wow, sage advice indeed. The top 20% are gonna get themselves hired with or without career services, unless they are social Neanderthals, career services should be judged by how many of the other 80% get hired. Why doesn't career services work like a recruiting agency? Is it too much for Jane or Merv to pick up a phone and call a former UO law student and say "hey, we have a current UO student here who is looking for a summer intern position in _________ law, think you might have some work for them?" Guaranteed that would establish a much stronger tie between past students and the school, not to mention it would be much more beneficial than just saying "we don't have a list of attorneys on file, but you can look them up online." Isn't your job to get people hired? Me sending a cover letter and a resume to someone who isn't planning on hiring any summer help isn't going to do anything, but you establishing a repertoire with them so that each year they are looking to work with some current UO law students is huge and beneficial. You are career services, your job is to get people jobs, yet all you do is work for the top 20% and leave the 80% who need your help the most to do the job on their own.
Now I get to go back to sitting in a mini storage office from 9-5 by myself watching day time television, and begging anyone and everyone with any kind of real job to give me a chance, while most people gawk in amazement at the lawyer who can't find any kind of relevant work (hey, we are a dime a dozen these days people). At least I now have a GRE to study for, if $37K/year for biomedical engineers with their masters is a low-ball offer, then maybe I can at least make more than the local DA when I get out. I just hope someone is willing to pay for my school this time around.
Anyone that has any experience dealing with bankruptcy want to advise me whether filing for bankruptcy or just defaulting on my loans would be more beneficial?
The Tycoon
I Feel Your Pain Buddy
I hate all of you
Date: 2008-04-20, 11:50PM EDT
I don't care what colour you are. I don't care where you're from. I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke or drink or who you know or whom you've fucked.
I hate you all. I hate every last living, breathing, snot and feces producing, promiscuously copulating, celebrity obsessed, opinionated one of you. From right here in Toronto right around the planet and back, coast to coast, nationwide and internationally. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. You.
Fuck love. Fuck your insipid grasping at some abstract concept of chemical imbalances and reasonless actions, fumbling around in the crowd trying to find some cinematic supposition for real human interaction. Fuck lust, too. Fuck you all, from the lowlife dirtbags that think dropping trou and waving the little soldier in a sloppy arc is a pick-up line to the sniveling of the desperate 'nice guys' who never get the girl due to a total lack of testosterone grown stones. Fuck you all, from the crazy, under dressed sluts that judge a persons character by the price of their shirt, right down to the fat, flabby chicks that think personality is enough.
Fuck you drivers, for thinking that a yellow light is a sign that says 'step on the gas'. Fuck you wheelmen and women that think it's okay to sit in a left hand turn in the middle of morning traffic, even though there is a protected left in the intersections before and after where you need to make your turn. Fuck you too cyclists - you're not exempt from the traffic laws just because your peddling, you miserable spandex covered neon reflective fucks. Fuck you too, pedestrians. Use the fucking crosswalk if you don't want to get hit, and use it before the little countdown clock says '3'. You don't have enough goddamn time to lope across four lanes of traffic.
Fuck you chick on your cellphone. Fuck you attitude packed minimum-wager that makes my coffee. Fuck you cops that spend all their time handing out speeding tickets. Fuck you douche bag doing ten over the limit in the passing lane on the highway. Fuck you lady using exact change at the counter at the grocery store. Fuck you kids having a conversation in the doorway. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of your designated handicapped seat when a pregnant or elderly person gets on the fucking bus.
Fuck taxes. Fuck welfare. Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized and party driven government system. I'm sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with seven hundred bylaws that nobody but you and your cabinet reads. Fuck you councilors and your stupid 'district improvement' plans. Fuck you unions, for asking for so much and giving nothing more that what you already give. Fuck the whole process that allows people who are supposed to be working for us work for interests that only benefit the next campaign. Fuck your short-sightedness, your rush to the bandwagons, and your incessant arguing over fuck all. Fuck the parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change.
Fuck you bottles of water. You're water. You're not worth two fucking dollars.
Fuck you trendsetters, fuck you fashionistas. Fuck your little dogs and and your idiotic outfits. Fuck your high heels in the snow. Fuck your five dollar coffees and your fifteen dollar veggie burgers. Fuck your health kick, your diet or your fucking new interest in kickboxing or sushi.
Fuck your culture. Fuck your race. Fuck your sense of entitlement. Fuck your sense of uniqueness. Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute. Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage. Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your forums. Fuck your name calling. And most of all, fuck whatever you believe. It's all wrong. Fuck it.
Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck movies. Fuck fucking. Fuck everything you own. Fuck your allergies. Fuck your stupid commons sense. Fuck your spelling and fuck your lack of education, or your ignorance, whatever is applicable.
I don't give a fuck. Shut the fuck up and just get on with it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/649999147.html
My brother in misery. Stay strong bro.
The Tycoon
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Q: How do you waste 3 years of your life and around $100,000?
A: The University of Oregon School of Law
Yes I am a little bitter.
Yes I am a little bitter.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
The Birds and the Bees
I have big news, but it must wait while I first relay this splendid story. So recently Other Kitty has been acting like she's ready to get back into the single kitty scene. Apparently she's looking to move on from her disastrous first litter of kittens. So this morning I am laying in bed enjoying some ESPN and some rest, and I hear a strange low moaning/meowing noise. Now Other Kitty likes to talk a lot and can make some weird sounds, but this was something I hadn't heard before. So I climb out of bed and walk into the living room only to find Lint and Other Kitty engaged in doggystyle sex in the middle of the living room floor! There was a brief moment where my eyes met all 4 of their eyes before Lint dismounted and frantically bolted towards the front door and began begging to be let out. I was flabbergasted, as I'd never seen cats humping, and Lint supposedly has no balls. And just like a woman, Other Kitty follows him over by the front door and begins rolling on the floor in a flirting manner, while Lint being the ball-less pimp womanizer he is ignores her and continues to beg to be let outside. After letting Lint out and gathering my thoughts, I couldn't decide if Lint was embarrassed to be caught with an obvious slutty kitty like Other Kitty, or if he and Other Kitty have an ongoing intimate relationship and was caught in the throws of passion, but he is now attempting to hide his emotion so as to maintain his air of indifference and coldness. I am going to be watching future interactions closely in hopes of getting to the bottom of the nature of their relationship. If you wondered what it looked like:
As you can tell from her facial impression, Lint is obviously not doing it for Other Kitty. Maybe it's the lack of balls?
And now for the big news...::drum roll::...THE MUSINGS OF A MINI STORAGE TYCOON HAS MADE GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See for yourself! Upon learning this, I literally nearly broke down in tears as I realized having finally made it. It's been a long hard climb from a blog that was read by only a handful of early supporters to a full-fledged national phenomenon. And that's before we even cover the US with t-shirts.
While browsing for opportunities to expand my empire on Craigslist, I found a job posting that seemed to be speaking directly to me!
The Heekin Law Firm seeks an associate attorney with an entrepreneurial spirit who wants to use legal expertise, professional judgment, client input, and electronic evidence and litigation management tools to solve business disputes and fraud-related claims. The ideal candidate has 3-5 years of experience in complex commercial or insurance defense cases, solid grades from good schools, and experience on law review or as a judicial extern/clerk. Strong research and writing skills are a must. Experience arguing motions, as a second chair, and using Summation, CaseMap, and Sanction desired as well. Any past lives or after-hours spent blogging, podcasting, filmmaking, videoblogging, reporting or using a Six Sigma approach will be rewarded here. Send resume, writing sample, and references to Julie Smith, The Heekin Law Firm, 808 S.W. Third Ave., Suite 540, Portland, OR 97204; fax 503-200-5135, or email via reply to this ad.
http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/lgl/664119627.html
While I may lack the experience, I think an application with an entire printout of blog entries might get me an interview.
And finally, anyone who wants 2 Radiohead tickets, I got pavilion seats for the show outside of Washington, D.C. on May 11. I figured I would have some kind of decision by now, but instead I am looking at Day #21 on the "Will The Tycoon Get A Job From The Patent Office That Allows Him To Expand His Empire In The Mid-Atlantic". Here's hoping that I get my money back from Craiglist. And if anyone has me a miracle ticket for either Atlanta or Dallas, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
The author of the #2 website when Googling for "mini storage tycoon",
The Tycoon
As you can tell from her facial impression, Lint is obviously not doing it for Other Kitty. Maybe it's the lack of balls?
And now for the big news...::drum roll::...THE MUSINGS OF A MINI STORAGE TYCOON HAS MADE GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See for yourself! Upon learning this, I literally nearly broke down in tears as I realized having finally made it. It's been a long hard climb from a blog that was read by only a handful of early supporters to a full-fledged national phenomenon. And that's before we even cover the US with t-shirts.
While browsing for opportunities to expand my empire on Craigslist, I found a job posting that seemed to be speaking directly to me!
The Heekin Law Firm seeks an associate attorney with an entrepreneurial spirit who wants to use legal expertise, professional judgment, client input, and electronic evidence and litigation management tools to solve business disputes and fraud-related claims. The ideal candidate has 3-5 years of experience in complex commercial or insurance defense cases, solid grades from good schools, and experience on law review or as a judicial extern/clerk. Strong research and writing skills are a must. Experience arguing motions, as a second chair, and using Summation, CaseMap, and Sanction desired as well. Any past lives or after-hours spent blogging, podcasting, filmmaking, videoblogging, reporting or using a Six Sigma approach will be rewarded here. Send resume, writing sample, and references to Julie Smith, The Heekin Law Firm, 808 S.W. Third Ave., Suite 540, Portland, OR 97204; fax 503-200-5135, or email via reply to this ad.
http://portland.craigslist.org
While I may lack the experience, I think an application with an entire printout of blog entries might get me an interview.
And finally, anyone who wants 2 Radiohead tickets, I got pavilion seats for the show outside of Washington, D.C. on May 11. I figured I would have some kind of decision by now, but instead I am looking at Day #21 on the "Will The Tycoon Get A Job From The Patent Office That Allows Him To Expand His Empire In The Mid-Atlantic". Here's hoping that I get my money back from Craiglist. And if anyone has me a miracle ticket for either Atlanta or Dallas, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
The author of the #2 website when Googling for "mini storage tycoon",
The Tycoon
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Cupid Comes to the Mini Storage?
Phew! The last few days have been INSANE at the mini storages, but thanks to the many glowing reviews written by my loyal followers, we have reached maximum capacity at the mini storages. And forgive me while I gloat for a moment, but the office I was running this week was the 1st location to fill up. The locals have started calling me "the closer". It's one thing to have someone enter the office seeking a storage place, but it's another thing when I can make them feel the urgency to rent the storage space on the spot.
But let me tell y'all the story of one renter in particular. She was my 1st visitor of the day and a mother coming in to rent a unit for her daughter. Our conversation progressed naturally from mini storage talk to career paths to being single. Upon finding out that I am a lawyer looking to expand my mini storage empire to a major city, she began laying the foundation for her daughter to latch on to such a successful tycoon, saying that her daughter wants to move to a major city when she graduates, and even saying that when her daughter comes out there, she was gonna tell her to come see me in the office. I am still waiting. But it was as she was leaving that she said something truly remarkable: "They weren't lying when they said 'come for the storage, stay for the eye candy'". I was speechless. I'm still holding out hope that Cupid shoots an arrow the mini storage's way. It's been a long, lonely road to hoe in Starkville.
Now we are on to a couple of more Congressional campaign commercials in Mississippi. One of them I can't even remember who it is for, but the Republican candidate goes on and on about the Democratic opponent, equating him to Nancy Pelosi. It goes on to say her ideas "may be groovy in California, but that dog don't hunt in Mississippi." I thought this was pretty humorous especially given the "groovy" was spelled on the TV in wavy purple letters. Furthermore, one of the Greg Davis ads against Travis Childress is even more ridiculous. Watch:
How the fuck do you even use this Rev. Wright dumbass to a House Representative candidate in Mississippi? I mean, the sad thing is that this ad will actually affect people's decisions. Not only do you have to take responsibilities of your own contacts, you also have to take responsibilities of your contacts' contacts. The fact that people buy into these ads as factors in their final decisions is pretty indicative of the ignorance of most Americans. No wonder the country is in a downward spiral, we allow attenuated connections and middle names affect our decisions more than actual issues. George W owned the Texas Rangers when they signed Jose Canseco, who many knew was doing steroids, but they turned a blind eye, therefore one may surmise that W probably knew or should have known Jose was doing the juice, yet he turned a blind eye. Thus, anyone who has ever received an endorsement by the Republican party is obviously OK with cheating and lying, right? Ridiculous I know, but that's the kinda shit people buy into.
Did you know that "man boobs" are an actual medical condition? Called gynecomastia.
Finally, because it's been such long, lonely stretch in Starkville, I've recently debated sucking up the pride and joining either eHarmony or Match.com. I've heard they are goldmines for desperate women looking for successful dudes! My proposal is that we all join eHarmony, and then compete for the most ladies (or men if that's your thing) per week or month. We can even have a Tycoon League fantasy draft. A scoring system would look something like 1 point per date, 2 points per kiss, and 4 points for setting off the fireworks. Obviously, we can tweak the system as need be. Also, I propose that each team consists of 1 guy, 1 girl, and 1 util spot, which 2 bench spots. The league can be a weekly head-to-head league. Knowing that a team member has several dates lined up for the week but is a bit 'poonshy' is kinda like having a mediocre 2 start pitcher in fantasy baseball. Do you go for the sure couple of points with the 2 start pitcher while chancing that he fails, or do you go with your stud even though he has only 1 start lined up?
I think we are on to something here.
Fighting cancer one beating at a time,
The Tycoon
**make sure you get up with me somehow about your blog t-shirt if you want one**
But let me tell y'all the story of one renter in particular. She was my 1st visitor of the day and a mother coming in to rent a unit for her daughter. Our conversation progressed naturally from mini storage talk to career paths to being single. Upon finding out that I am a lawyer looking to expand my mini storage empire to a major city, she began laying the foundation for her daughter to latch on to such a successful tycoon, saying that her daughter wants to move to a major city when she graduates, and even saying that when her daughter comes out there, she was gonna tell her to come see me in the office. I am still waiting. But it was as she was leaving that she said something truly remarkable: "They weren't lying when they said 'come for the storage, stay for the eye candy'". I was speechless. I'm still holding out hope that Cupid shoots an arrow the mini storage's way. It's been a long, lonely road to hoe in Starkville.
Now we are on to a couple of more Congressional campaign commercials in Mississippi. One of them I can't even remember who it is for, but the Republican candidate goes on and on about the Democratic opponent, equating him to Nancy Pelosi. It goes on to say her ideas "may be groovy in California, but that dog don't hunt in Mississippi." I thought this was pretty humorous especially given the "groovy" was spelled on the TV in wavy purple letters. Furthermore, one of the Greg Davis ads against Travis Childress is even more ridiculous. Watch:
How the fuck do you even use this Rev. Wright dumbass to a House Representative candidate in Mississippi? I mean, the sad thing is that this ad will actually affect people's decisions. Not only do you have to take responsibilities of your own contacts, you also have to take responsibilities of your contacts' contacts. The fact that people buy into these ads as factors in their final decisions is pretty indicative of the ignorance of most Americans. No wonder the country is in a downward spiral, we allow attenuated connections and middle names affect our decisions more than actual issues. George W owned the Texas Rangers when they signed Jose Canseco, who many knew was doing steroids, but they turned a blind eye, therefore one may surmise that W probably knew or should have known Jose was doing the juice, yet he turned a blind eye. Thus, anyone who has ever received an endorsement by the Republican party is obviously OK with cheating and lying, right? Ridiculous I know, but that's the kinda shit people buy into.
Did you know that "man boobs" are an actual medical condition? Called gynecomastia.
Finally, because it's been such long, lonely stretch in Starkville, I've recently debated sucking up the pride and joining either eHarmony or Match.com. I've heard they are goldmines for desperate women looking for successful dudes! My proposal is that we all join eHarmony, and then compete for the most ladies (or men if that's your thing) per week or month. We can even have a Tycoon League fantasy draft. A scoring system would look something like 1 point per date, 2 points per kiss, and 4 points for setting off the fireworks. Obviously, we can tweak the system as need be. Also, I propose that each team consists of 1 guy, 1 girl, and 1 util spot, which 2 bench spots. The league can be a weekly head-to-head league. Knowing that a team member has several dates lined up for the week but is a bit 'poonshy' is kinda like having a mediocre 2 start pitcher in fantasy baseball. Do you go for the sure couple of points with the 2 start pitcher while chancing that he fails, or do you go with your stud even though he has only 1 start lined up?
I think we are on to something here.
Fighting cancer one beating at a time,
The Tycoon
**make sure you get up with me somehow about your blog t-shirt if you want one**
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