Back In The Saddle Again

Did my loyal followers miss me? Sorry about last night's explosion. During my travels I was contemplating my relationship between myself and my followers and I feel as though y'all don't have a full grasp of me, so today I am going to make a list of things I like and things I don't like so that y'all can get to know me better. Some of these might catch you off-guard while others might seem mundane and unexciting to you, but this is who I am.
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Things I like:
Dominating fantasy baseball
Hearing of other people's failures
The UFO shows on the History Channel
Quizno's Steak Bistro Sammie
A blacked out Matt Blum
Iron Chef
Hooveround Commercials
Plaid shoes
Steve Eberlein
Blogging
Agnes
Fantasy baseball drafts
Sleeping in a cold room with a bunch of covers
Not setting alarm clocks
The new Raveonettes album
Tycooning
Flatulence
Good hair days
Lebron
Staying regular
Laura Beth Dong
Cops, the show
Eating meat
Netflix in Oregon - 1 day turnarounds!
Making Rob angry
The Mini Storage Fairy
Black dudes with beards
Carl Edwards
The Top 20 Redneck Moments on CMT
House Beer Pong Tournaments
Furious
House Beer Pong Tournaments in conjunction with House NCAA Football Tournaments
Fire+Crotch
Dual Action Cleanse Infomercials
Dana Scully
Lil' Bush
Concerts
Cryptoquip
Hoverounds
World's Most Amazing Videos
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Things I don't like:
Shan Foster
People with real jobs
Student loans
The preview channel telling me that "True Story: I Woke Up in a Morgue" is on, but when really a show about futuristic cars is on
Getting off ski lifts
Fantasy football
Other Kitty's promiscuity
Bitter people
People who don't live in Starkville, MS
The fact that Wesley has no soap next to his bathroom lavatory
Blankets that are too short to cover your whole body
Flaming Bush
The new Black Keys album
Nascar drivers not named Carl Edwards
People who think they are having fun by going out and being social
Asians, both kinds - Chinese and Japanese
Urinary Tract Infections
Mini Storages
Katalina
Vegetarians
Cops, the people
Starkville's "music scene"
Netflix in Mississippi - 3 day turnarounds :(
Hearing my great aunt discuss her yeast infection
CVS cashiers that walk away from the counter to chat with their friends at the camera counter even though you are standing right there
Scott Baldwin
Ole Miss
Inadequate bowel movements
Nazis
Alabama
Law jobs
Hurricane Katrina
Early morning phone calls
Metrosexuals
Balding people
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I'm pretty much ambivalent towards everything else.

So the MS Legislature is about the biggest waste of time EVER. Among the bills that have been proposed lately: a bill preventing restaurants from serving obese people; a bill for a "covenant" marriage that would establish a "super marriage"; and finally, a bill which would prevent unmarried co-habitating couples from adopting a child, and MS would not recognize such adoptions from other states.

1) The "obese bill" is supposedly tied to the state looking out for the health of the states' citizens. I would love to see the reaction when the first fat ass politician rolled into his favorite restaurant and was told that he couldn't order "the usual" and instead could have a delicious green salad without dressing...mmmm. Why not propose a bill that regulates the quality of food that restaurants could serve? Why not fund classes for kids based around the benefits of eating healthy? Or serve them healthy food instead of slopp joes and fries at lunch? This bill is just a bad idea all together. Would you want to be the 17 year old high school kid who tells the 45 year old heart-attack-waiting-to-happen that he can't have his nachos?

2) Are the really wasting time making a special "super marriage" that people can VOLUNTARILY enter, and if the marriage doesn't work out the formerly happy couple HAS to go through at least a year of counseling and meet several other qualifications before they can divorce. Do we really need a special marriage for that? People can't just personally choose to go the extra mile to save their marriage if they desire to do so? Why should the state be worried about how much counseling you go through before you get a divorce?

3) I love that it would be OK for a single, alcoholic parent to legally have their own children, but should a co-habitating couple decide to adopt a child, they can't if they live in MS. Furthermore, what happens when a co-habitating couple adopts a child in one of those "liberal hippie states" otherwise known as the other 49 states, and due to whatever reasons needs to or is forced to move to MS? Does the child get taken away and put in foster care? Does it really hurt a child to be raised in a stable household even though the adoptive parents aren't married?

Should I stay in MS for the long term, I will commence a state legislature run. Obviously my first order would be to not only provide all of MS's elderly with a complimentary Hoveround, but to force all people over the age of 75 to use Hoverounds while in the state of MS. I would also be interested in forcing all bar to consume at least 3 alcoholic beverages before leaving their favorite watering hole. No more hanging out at the bar and costing the business owners money under my watch! If you want to be a DD stay home and show up at closing time! Tired of dressing up for Wal-Mart visits? I would require all Wal-Mart patrons to dress like trailer trash! Finally, I would propose taking the obesity bill a step further and prevent overweight people from buying groceries all together. They can take their fat asses outside and grow and/or kill their own damn food. Not only would it limit the food they ate, but it would also force them to get some exercise. IF ANYONE CAN, THE TYCOON CAN!


And finally, some of your favorite Hoveround commercials:






Nothing says Hoveround like The Beach Boys!





And finally, the OG Hoveround commercial.



One of my life goals is to go to the Grand Canyon on my own Hoveround!

Until Next Time,
The Tycoon