A Day In The Life

Many loyal followers have expressed interest in a typical day of The Tycoon. Well you are in luck. Here goes:

8 a.m.
Wake up, and immediately assaulted by Other Kitty in search of food, as during the night her pregnant ass has licked the bowl clean. Lint is coolly waiting in the hallway, refusing to stoop to the levels of begging, and instead allowing Other Kitty to lower herself, while he reaps the benefits. I usually have to pee upon waking, but find the chore difficult unless I first feed Other Kitty and Lint. Other Kitty is undaunted by the stream of pee exiting my body and will sometimes attempt to climb onto the toilet to get my attention. This creates much excitement as Other Kitty tediously balances on the toilet bowl lip and I am already performing the difficult task peeing into the toilet when you first wake up and now I am having to aim around Other Kitty.

8:15 a.m.
Eat some breakfast, check e-mail, watch a little Sportscenter.

8:55 a.m.
Leave the house to start tycooning for the day. Lint usually leaves the house too, undoubtedly to go pimp bitches without the threat of any bastard children given his lack of balls.

9 a.m.
Settle into the office chair with the Clarion Ledger and began looking for blogging inspirations. I remove inspirations from the paper and make notes for blogging later.

9:30 a.m.
Postpone blogging preparation for the Family Feud.

10 a.m.
The Price is Right begins. I semi-return to my blogging preparation and roll my eyes whenever Drew Carey giggles like a 12 year old Asian girl.

11 a.m.
I get excited about the chance to exercise my brain with Jeopardy. If Jeopardy eliminated all the old history categories I think I would stand a chance, as is I always run the table on the pop culture or sports related category that the actual contestants can't answer. Also around this time I receive a text message from Scott who supposedly has a law firm job in Nashville but manages to never go into work before 11 a.m. and then spends 3/4 of his afternoon texting 18 year old freshmen ladies from the University of Tennessee. He likes to rub it in that I have more responsibilities as a mini storage tycoon than he does as a first year associate. I'm gonna laugh when he gets fired.

Noon
Lunch time! :)

1 p.m.
Back to the mini storages. :( The television early in the afternoons is quite lackluster. When I began tycooning, I had fallen behind on my stories, and I have resisted becoming tied by into the life of Bo, John, Marlena, and the rest of Days of Our Lives. It took me years to move on with my life, and with tycooning responsibilities overwhelming me, I can ill afford to become intertwined in their saga again. Therefore I usually spend the early afternoon hours watching a Netflix DVD on my portable DVD player.

3 p.m.
By this time my DVD has usually ended and I venture to the mailbox to grab the mini storage mail. If it's around the first of the month, we are hammered with mountains of payments, but otherwise the mail consists of flyers regarding national mini storage conferences (which I am tentatively planning on attending this year) and bills that can't be delivered to the renters because they moved and left no forwarding address. This is were mini storage tycooning briefly ventures into mini storage sleuthing, as I spend the next few minutes making phone calls and hunting down the vile vermin who are on the run to avoid their mini storage payments.

3:30 p.m.
My sleuthing is usually finished by this time and I choose whether to watch Dr. Phil or Montel. I base my decision on which host has the most awesome life story. Did you know Dr. Phil have some chick on who had battled anorexia for 15 years and weighed 60 lbs? I bet not because all your jobs suck!

4 p.m.
MAURY TIME!!!!!!! I love Maury because he's everything Jerry Springer used to be before fake cat fights, contrived chanting, and bad actors. I often use Maury for inspiration in finalizing my blogging plans for the night.

5 p.m.
Time to head home! Lint is usually waiting for me at the front door as he's exhausted from from whoring himself out. Upon entering the house, Other Kitty greets us with begs for more food, as she has cleaned the bowls out. Have you ever heard a hungry cat eat? Sounds like a horse.

6 p.m.
Watch basketball.

7:30 p.m.
Go lock mini storage gates, undoubtedly causing me to miss the end of a splendid basketball game that I've been watching since 6. I use my alone time in the care to ponder the final touches on my nightly blog entry.

8:15 p.m.
I arrive home and battling Other Kitty for my dinner. She's pretty damn fiesty.

9 p.m.
Begin blogging.

11 p.m.
Finish blogging, and begin negotiating fantasy baseball moves and draft strategies.

1 a.m.
X-FILES!

2 a.m.
Bed time.

And repeat.

Well loyal followers, that's it. That's my day. I know, it's a lot of responsibilities, but that's the life of The Tycoon. I would love to find time in my life for a lovely lady, but my responsibilities right now prevent me from anything more serious than a casual Starkville fling at the moment, and even then, the sheer number of single Starkville ladies seeking to get their hands on my TycoonEstate makes even casual affairs impossible. Alas, the life of a mini storage is inherently lonely and a life I have chosen to live.

And before I go, I am gonna leave my loyal followers with a helpful hint with the ladies...and don't worry, I have 10 of them for you. These are tips from a lady that I feel need to passed along to the male followers who are struggling to satisfy their ladies. By the time these are finished, you will no longer have issues with the opposite sex:

1. Taking charge is not bad. Oh, there will be some women who feel that you are pushy. If you are making out with a woman, and she starts to push back, ask nicely if things are moving too fast. If she says yes, say something like "I'm sorry - you just look so fucking delicious. I'll go slower." Otherwise, skillfully move forward. If you start kissing a woman, and she responds well, and before long, you're both on the floor with her skirt pushed up, and you on top of her, it's not the time to roll onto your back and start awkwardly stroking the top of her head. Seriously, grow a goddamn pair. YOU'RE the man. Act like one.

Any lady followers care to disagree with this assessment? I would like to open a discussion forum for my followers to communicate their feelings and beliefs so that the male followers are better suited to please the female followers. Godspeed to all the men out there looking to put these suggestions into practice.




Until Next Time,
The Tycoon