Thursday, March 13, 2008

A Starkvillan'z Guide to Starkville

With the rise in popularity of my blog, there has been a corresponding rise in the tourism industry in Starkville. Many people find the number of things to see and do in Starkville to be overwhelming, so as a native Starkvillan, I am here to tell you the things to see and do.

The Southside Hotspots
South of Starkville you will run into the MSU horse center. While you may not think it's much, just a few short weeks ago it hosted a monster truck rally, thereby etching itself permanently on my list of Starkville's must sees.

Even further south down Okton Rd. you'll find The Noxubee Refuge. Famous for late night adventures of MSU students looking to ride the back roads. The Refuge is rumored to be haunted and has several old cemeteries on site. There is pretty much no cell phone service. Once upon a time, we blew a tire in this frightening area around 2 in the morning, were forced to change the tire by the light of the headlights reflected off a CD (obviously this was the genius of The Tycoon rearing its ugly head early in his life), only to blow another tire about a 1/2 mile down the road. It was pretty creepy when you can't get any calls through for a rescue mission.

Starkville Academy is the institution where The Tycoon learned how to woo the ladies and half-ass his way to all A's. The Tycoon spent 13 years at Starkville Academy (kindergarten through 12th grade - no i didn't get held back if that's what you are thinking).

And you final stop on the Southside should be at Bulldog Mini Storage. It's the first office The Tycoon working in the early days of his tycooning. The facility is comparably smaller than the other locations, but possesses a lot of heart and overcomes its lack of units by adding a small touch of charm to your mini storaging experience.

Around the corner from Bulldog Mini Storage, you will find Starkville Discount Liquor, Starkville's only merchant of Night Train.

The Westside Hotspots
Wal-Mart dominates the western landscape and is one of Starkville's biggest tourist attractions. Every weekend, the parking lot is full of out-of-towners coming to roll back prices and see the sights at Wal-Mart. Visitors from as far away as Mathiston and Macon make the long drive to see Sam Walton's dream in action. AND IT'S A SUPERCENTER!!!!!!

The Highway 12 District
Starkville is home to the nation's premier Wendy's. You may be questioning how a Wendy's could be worth a stop, but you haven't been in this Wendy's. They have wi-fi, a coffee bar, and breakfast! The seating area is ginormous and clean. The fries are a little saltier and the bacon a little crispier. This is really a Wendy's one must experience to appreciate.

The Hunt Club is Starkville's largest night club. Hell, it's supposedly the largest night club in all of Mississippi! Many national acts that have played the Hunt Club including, most notably, Vanilla Ice, Better Than Ezra, and Cowboy Mouth! Not only that, but the Hunt Club is attached to a bowling alley. $10 gets you in the door with a plastic cup, and you can drink all night on that $10 investment. There is a karaoke bar and a dance club where you can here such current hits as "O.P.P." and "Come on Ride the Train". The beauty about The Hunt Club though is the variety of ladies it provides. No longer are you limited to cute MSU co-eds, instead you have cute MSU co-eds, ugly MSU co-eds, and the finest white trash you can find in a 50 miles radius of Starkville. You see, The Hunt Club is more than a bar, it's a lifestyle. They don't nickname it The Cu...well, you get the picture.

Brewski's is Starkville's #1 liquor store and crawfish provider. March is the best time of the year to get to Starkville and attend a good ole fashion crawfish boil, so book your flights asap! Please, someone come visit me. Anyone? Please? I'll get you into all the best crawfish boils, I swear, I know people. Just shoot me an e-mail or call before you arrive.

The Northside Hotspots
The house where The Tycoon was born and raised. An older quaint home located on a quiet street near downtown Starkville. There are no signs out front letting you know you've arrived, just the chance of catching The Tycoon's Pathfinder sitting in the driveway to let you know you are there. Perhaps you can chat around town and find a local in "the know" who can give you precise directions, as The Tycoon is a moderate celebrity around town.

Downtown Starkville is the city's business center, attracting intelligent educated young professionals from across the country. Among the national companies located downtown are...er, well none come to mind immediately, but they are there.

Starkville Mini Storage is the oldest mini storage in the stable headed by The Tycoon. See where the dream began. Sure some of the doors might be a little old and require that extra "umph" to get open, but the character of place creates a charming atmosphere that just draws you in.

Located in a run down old motel is a little dingy hippie bar called Dave's Dark Horse Tavern. Thursdays and Fridays allows you to stuff your face on a pizza buffet. Furthermore, Monday night is the perfect night to chill out with some delicious domestic drafts and enjoy MICE RACES!

Eastsiderz
The newest member to The Tycoon's empire is Bully's Lockers. Often referred to as the sexy member of The Tycoon's stable, Bully's Lockers is also located next to the MS Highway Patrol office, thus providing a splendid opportunity for a 2-in-1 stop on your Starkville tour.

Actually located just outside of Starkville on 16th Section Rd. is Sonny's BBQ. Quite possible the best BBQ sauce you'll ever consume. Now the only drawback to making a Sonny's visit is that 16th Section Rd. does tend to be the primary road for murder victims to be disposed on, so watch yourself and possibly bring you defense weapon of choice.

Well that's my Starkville tour. Plenty here to keep you busy for weeks on end, and we haven't even begun discussing area attractions like Little Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, Maben, West Point, The Crossroads, Eupora (home of Markell Patterson!), or Artesia.

And I leave you with perhaps Starkville's largest claim to fame, throwing Johnny Cash in jail for drunkenly picking flowers after a show.



Starkvillanz4lyfe,
The Tycoon

3 comments:

wmblack said...

thanks for the shout out of 16th section road. i had forgotten about the murders. it really reminds me of home

TINY PANTS said...

what airport does one fly into?

The Tycoon said...

GTR