Tapered Leg Jeans

As I stared at the jeans of the guy in front of me at the grocery store I couldn't help but wonder "Why do guys wear tapered leg jeans?". While standing there I thought about my personal fashion history where I diverged paths from tapered leg jeans, and I came up with an estimate around the age of 12, or basically when i became old enough to evaluate the way clothes looked on me. For the life of me, I have yet to be able to figure out why any guy would still wear tapered leg jeans. Ever. Who even thought that tapered leg jeans would be a good idea? They aren't slim fit "hipster" jeans", nor are they baggy jeans. They aren't even boot cut. They bunch up around you knees and hips and fit snuggly around your ankles. They make you appear feet shorted than your actual height, not to mention the disproportionate width they make your hips look. Not that I stand around checking out dudes in tapered leg jeans or anything. Does anyone really want to persuade me that these are cool? (Britton and Matt Ellis please don't comment, we know of your affinity for the tapered leg look) Might as well get those acid washed. Of course, I'm not the best looking or most successful tycoon in the room, so I relish the fact that so many people think that tapered leg jeans are in style (and don't even get me started on sweet bulky hiking boots). It gives this tycoon a leg up on the ladies in attendance.

In other news, Chad Kroeger of Nickelback sucks his own dick, and Obama and Hilary battle ove...wait, CHAD KROEGER OF NICKELBACK SUCKS HIS OWN DICK?!?! Yes, loyal followers, he gives himself head:

Chad Kroeger of Nickelback told Playboy Magazine that he learned how to suck his own dick after someone dared him to for a case of beer.

Chad said, "I put my own dick in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time. It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

I am not gonna lie, I spend many hours idling in the mini storages attempting to do the same thing, but I'd never go public with such personal information. There was one day that a renter pulled up as i had both legs behind my head and inches away form reaching my goal, but as I was nearing completion of my goal, I heard the sound of a car door shutting and throw out my back un-pretzeling myself to prevent from sending a poor unsuspecting renter into shock. I mean, I feel Chad's pain, as I have found myself in desperate need for a beer, but wouldn't it be much easier to just blow the other guy instead of hyperextending yourself to suck your own dick? A dick is a dick right? I'd like to hear from other readers who have sucked their own dicks, or at least made a valiant attempt to do it.



I wonder if Chad sings this to all the boys to tell them that their wiener reminds him of his own?

Finally, I have a disappointing turnout thus far for my Tycoontest. I am extending the deadline and look forward to hearing from interested Tycoontists in living the life of The Tycoon for a week.

Until Next Time,
The Tycoon