A VISIT FROM THE MINI STORAGE FAIRY!! :)

Today was an exciting day for The Tycoon, as I was visited by the Mini Storage Fairy last night! Who you are probably asking, well the Mini Storage Fairy is in the mold of Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, except for only mini storage tycoons. Good mini storage tycoons are left with gifts of quality cheap furniture or perhaps some sweet VHS movies, and maybe if you are really lucky a TV circa 1988 model. Bad mini storage tycoons are left broken glass in the drive way, shitty cheap furniture, and when they are really bad, a mildewed mattress. Well loyal readers, I have apparently been a very good mini storage tycoon :). I was left a garbage bag full of old nerf guns! It was as if Santa himself had left his large bag of Christmas toys for me in the driveway. Granted several of the guns were broken, and the accompanying projectile was only present for 1 of the guns, but what do you expect? It is only the Mini Storage Fairy afterall, and in my experience, a bag of nerf guns is as good as it gets. I was able to spend part of my day shooting a golf ball sized nerf ball across the office at little targets I set up. I attribute my unexpected visit as a reward for allowing the mentally ill, homeless, money-less, hungry black woman retrieve canned goods from her past due mini storage unit as discussed previously. Moral of the story: treat your mini storage renters with the type of respect you would want to be treated with, and the Mini Storage Fairy will smile upon you.

Moving on, MISSISSIPPI SEX TOY BAN MAY NOW BE POWERLESS!! The 5th Circuit US Court of Appeals has ruled a Texas law banning the sale of sex toys as being unconstitutional. MS, AL, and VA are the only other states with a similar law in place, but those laws are now in jeopardy of becoming obsolete. I knew in my great move south that something was different, I just couldn't put my finger on it, but now I know it was simply the opportunity to buy a double ended dildo at my fancy! Though, I must say, if this law has been in place, how does Fantasyland (famously located on HWY 69 south of Columbus) exist? It has been many years since my 1 and only visit into MS's best known sex store, but I am pretty sure sex toys were present? Any of my southern readers care to verify? Scott, I know you were there with me, because you bought Josh that jacking off wind up monkey. (Btw, that was your shout out for unscrambling "cbmela"). As for the 5th Cir opinion, there is a quote that is sure to go down in con law textbooks forever: "An individual who wants to legally use a safe sexual device during private intimate moments alone or with another is unable to legally purchase a device in Texas, which heavily burdens a constitutional right". It's nice to know that playing with yourself is protected by the Constitution.

In other news, I am sure everyone has heard about the Northern Illinois shootings. Well, here is why some people need to have their right to having opinions taken away. Kerry Hunt of Starkville (yeah I know) rants and raves that allowing students to carry guns on campus would prevent tragedies like va tech and niu. Are you a complete moron Kerry, or do you simply just love your guns and felt like talking out your ass? 1) Even a well trained gun owner would probably be more likely to shoot a classmate instead of the actually shooter when they are sitting in class half-assed listening to a lecture on how the kidneys function in the human body. I really doubt a student to have the quickness and wherewithal to whip out his glock and blow off a dude's head from across a lecture hall prior to him getting any shots off. 2) The threat of running into students carrying guns wouldn't deter these psychos, as they committed suicide anyway. 3) How many college students want to walk around with a holstered handgun all day, talk about a pussy magnet. 4) How many deaths would result from testosterone loaded frat guys arguing about something dumb like your frat being "gay", and ending with a double homicide in the hallway? I really don't understand how some opinions are ever taken seriously. These potential gun-toting heroes aren't professionally trained military sharpshooters who have experience making accurate shots with a handgun while avoiding fire themselves, they are some 20 year old kid who thinks because he can shoot a deer or duck, he could whip out his glock and cap a motherfucker while the guy is unloading shotgun blasts on the crowd.

Finally, I am going to discuss my disappointment in lookalike week on The Family Feud. It started out promising with Elvis, Bono, George W, Howard Stern, and Johnny Depp representing the men, and Dolly Parton, Whoopi Goldberg, Paris Hilton, Marilyn Monroe, and Angelina Jolie representing the women. I didn't expect these to be the best Family Feuders ever, but these people are bad. Category: "Funniest Eddie Murphy Movie" AND NO ONE EVEN ANSWERED THE NUTTY PROFESSOR OR BEVERLY HILL COP! The worst part about this Family Feud idea? The losers get to stay on and come back again the next day...talk about a miserable week to be watching the Feud. You would think that they would have at least found 5 teams of lookalikes and the losers would have went back to LA to stand on street corners, but no, loyal viewers like myself are stuck watching the same debacle day after day. The guy team leads the week 2-1, I'll update for you real working types as the week goes on.

Oh, and I feel as though I must give a quick shout out for Dual Action Cleanse to clean your colon. Like the infomercial on TV from 9-9:30 every morning says, "Don't let years of toxic buildup weigh you down, try Dual Action Cleanse and enjoy a new lighter you!" I'm sold.

A happy birthday to AA. The Starkville AA celebrate their birthday every 3rd Sunday on the month, which got me thinking. I am going to celebrate my birthday every month too, so each month on the 12th I expect to hear birthday cheers from all of you. Start thinking about some party ideas cause March 12 is coming soon!

For everyone who ever had to do one of those lame "science" projects in elementary. I can't decide my favorite, it's between "Crystal Meth: Friend or Foe?" and "Drop It Like It's Hot".

And I leave y'all with the best song ever written about rabbits: Animal Collective "Who Could Win A Rabbit"