Personally I apply a lot of these same principles to my love life. The loyal followers are about to receive priceless insight into the social world of The Tycoon. It's a special place, a place where you spend Friday nights hanging out with the cats watching Netflix and blogging. But I digress, you guys can thank me later when you successfully implement these approaches to your ladies.
1) Pick up the married ladies. Ideally they are too intertwined with their married lives to expect anything from you, and do not wish to make the affair publicly known, as that would bite them in the ass come divorce time.
2) Pick up older women. Cougars. Enough said. I know a guy that you can pick up some cougar hunting (a.k.a. cunting) tips from. Leave your e-mail if interested and I will get you in touch. He specializes in the casino cougar, so if you got that Vegas trip planned, you need to talk with him.
3) Husky girls aren't crazy. Well, all girls are crazy, husky girls are just less so. No wonder guys tend to go that route from time to time.
4) Women need to get their shit checked out! Don't come giving your diseases to men, keep them isolated in your own sex! Such check ups would allow the man to at least make an informed decision ("Condom? Fuck it. I'll just Lysol it afterwards.")
5) Women need to slow things up, otherwise the man is over and done with in a minute or 2.
6) I prefer to make a list of things I want the lady to do before we get started, I even specify the length of time spent at each "job". Yeah, maybe the mood suffers slightly, but I hate when she starts asking questions. Keep your mother shut woman!
7) I too encourage changing from one woman to another, and allowing several women to take turns performing the "job". It does really keep morale high.
8) I too enjoy giving my lady some rest. God knows I need my rest too.
9) If you want to start badgering your lady about her skillz in the sack, be my guest. It takes a special evil soul to bring out those guns early on the in the relationship.
10) Women don't like being talked dirty to? Hmmm, bummer. I always kinda ignore this principle. She can deal with it.
11) Women like different sizes of "uniforms". Apparently my size is pretty unpopular.
So here we are loyal followers. Another Friday night. I love Friday nights because they allow me to learn who my true followers are, as they are staying in eagerly refreshing "The Musings of a Mini Storage Tycoon" instead of doing thinks like going to bars, going to movies, going on dates, playing beer pong, and generally having a sweet time. If you want to be known as a true follower, let me know in the comments that you were eagerly awaiting my post.
By the way, there'll be no blogging after tonight until next Wednesday or Thursday. I will be traversing the Mississippi Delta seeking mini storage expansion possibilities. I know what you are thinking: "The MS Delta??". The first rule of mini storage tycooning is that you cater to your renter demographics, and mini storage renters are old white people and poor black people, basically about 98.4% of the MS Delta population. Once I take over the MS Delta, no one will be able to hold me back. Wish me luck followers. On the bright side, there may be a guest blogger documenting my rise from a small town boy with dreams to accomplishing those dreams and becoming The Tycoon.
I really wish I was going to Monster Trucks in Tupelo tomorrow night. Gravedigger is gonna be there. Nothing like an evening of whiskey, mullets, and monster trucks. Maybe next year :(
Time to go watch a movie on Netflix.com. Why is the turnaround time so slow in MS? It was like 1 day in Oregon. It's not like they gotta go far to the distribution center in Jackson. Slackasses.
Until Next Time,
The Tycoon
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