The Tycoon's Philanthropic Revelation

So last night I posted a discussion on tittie money. Contrary to popular belief, tittie money is not related to strippers, but is rather the money that overweight female renters pull from their bras directly in the view of the local mini storage tycoon. So long as the weather is nippy, as it was yesterday, tittie money is OK, but once the temperatures rise, tittie money becomes tough to stomach for even the greedy tycoon. If you were a big enough loser to be anxiously awaiting a late night post (around 12:30 am CST) on a Friday night, then you might have caught my original tittie money post before I redacted it (I know of at least 1 loyal follower who was waiting...that's you Sco...er, Fruit Bowl). I spent the wee hours of Saturday morning tossing and turning pondering the origination of tittie money and why women felt the need to carry their money snuggled warmly against their breasts. I began to realize that the problem was the women had no pants with pockets, no shirts with pockets, no jackets with pockets, and no purses. Upon my revelation I felt a sting of guilt, arising from the bed to withdraw my initial tittie money post and to step back and figure out a way to help these people. This evening it hit me: use the blog to bring awareness to the problem of tittie money and to rectify this problem plaguing overweight female renters everywhere. Loyal followers, I, The Tycoon, ask you to donate any extra pants (WITH POCKETS!), shirts (WITH POCKETS!), jackets (WITH POCKETS!), or purses to these women afflicted with the tittie money disease. You may send your donations to me at:

The Mini Storage c/o The Tycoon
The Tittie Money Fund
801 Reed Rd.
Starkville, MS 39759.

Remember that these women afflicted with tittie money are overweight, so please keep your clothes in the XXL or larger range (or whatever the corresponding size is in those confusing women's sizes that men don't understand). For donating, you will receive your very own shout out on The Tycoon's blog, a card acknowledging you as a member of The Tittie Money Awareness Group, a tax receipt, and the warmth in your heart knowing that you too have prevented another case of tittie money. Some tycoons want to feed Somalians, some tycoons want to help house Katrina victims, well this Tycoon wants to end Tittie Money Disease and you can help it happen.

**Edit: Several of you quickly responded asking how I planned to identify those in need. Well, quite simply I plan to watch them reach elbow deep into the neck of their shirts and withdraw cold hard cash, at which point I will kindly force them to take an item donated to the foundation. I am even in the process setting up the operation so that you will receive a photo of your Tittie Money sufferer and monthly updates regarding the progression of this disease so that you can follow along with their recovery and fight for a normal life.**

The Tycoon sends a big shout out to Ben Hansbrough who single handedly prevented The Tycoon from putting his hand through a TV earlier this evening by hitting 3 FTs with 1 second left to send the Mississippi State-South Carolina game into OT. I had MSU -2, otherwise I could have cared less who won or loss. But I hate losing a bet. You should see me play Blackjack.

And tonight loyal followers, I leave y'all with some clarification of a term I used. You may have noticed that I referred to one of my loyal followers (your peer) as Fruit Bowl. Well, I am currently trying to give all Tycoonists (that's you) nicknames. His is Fruit Bowl. To understand why, it might be best to just read the definition of a Fruit Bowl. Use your imagination.

Finally, as The Tycoon sits at home along on a Saturday night, thank God for Japanese TV. Unfortunately for me, the tycooning business can be a lonely business, as long hours and dedication to the job are a must to become a successful tycoon. This video is not proper for you working followers.



Until Next Time,
The Tycoon