::sigh:: I Am Tiring Of The Mini Storage

Loyal Followers, I have a confession. I am growing increasingly annoyed and tired of the Mini Storages. Whether it be the incoherent babble of renters ("What's your last name?" "Smfph" "Excuse me?" "Smfph" "Is that SMITH?"), repeated ignorant phone call conversations with potential renters ("What size do you need?" "I don't know" "Well, how much stuff you got?" "I don't know, couple boxes and a tv" "So you don't need a big one then?"), or the prevalence goodies the Mini Storage Fairy has felt necessary to gift me ("Sweet, another broken mirror in the drive way!"). Why can't I spend an afternoon casually glancing at patent bar notes, setting records on expert level minesweeper, and fighting cancer? Is that too much to ask? Why do you need a receipt when you write a check?

Quick, pick a number between 1 and 25, leave your choice in the comments. I'll get back to you with what it means.

So to break the monotony the Tycoon is going to begin making mixes of his favorite songs. Each mix is going to be broken up by years and be 1-2 discs worth of material. I will upload the albums to www.mediafire.com in rar format. What you need to do is download the trial version of WinRar. Whenever they ask if you want to register it, just click "Close" and the box goes away. When you download a Tycoon Mix, WinRar should automatically open. Just highlight (click once) on the file, then click the "Extract" option on the tool bar. You can then pick the folder you want to extract the folder into. Upload into iTunes and \m/. I will continue this as long as I got quality stuff to upload, or until the RIAA throws me in jail and takes all my money and assets (HAHA), or Ghostface Killah puts a bullet in my face for uploading his music.

I am doing this for the primary reason of putting on my music snobbiness on display. But don't judge me, just realize it's really all I got to hold on to that makes me feel better than you. Throw me a bone and tell me about how that techno-ambient-downtempo 30 minute track from 1978 is the greatest thing you've ever heard.

The Tycoon

Other Kitty: The Cock Blocker

In a disturbing trend, Other Kitty has begun laying across the keyboard of my laptop. She sometimes also lays across it when it's closed. This is disturbing because I believe that Other Kitty has become jealous of my porn addiction, and she is trying to either (a) fuck up my computer by stepping/laying on as many buttons at once as possible, (b) keep me from accessing my go to site, (c) get my attention on her instead of my 2-dimensional beauties, or (d) some combo of the above. It's becoming a problem that needs to be remedied ASAP. This is a recent development in the last week or 2, but a quickly escalating point of contention in our owner-pet relationship. Though considering Other Kitty has experience living in the forest, she is hardly daunted by the threats of imprisonment in the local Human Society. I am really at a lost as to the best method of handling this tedious situation. I don't want to hurt Other Kitty.

The Tycoon needs to ponder this one for a while.

The Mini Storage Tycoon: Scamming Rent Since January 2008

I've been outed loyal followers. Today in an unfortunate turn of events yours truly was accused (rightfully?) of pilfering rent money from poor unsuspecting renters. Here's how the scam goes down:

1) Pick a renter who appears to be an idiot.
2) Convince them to pay for several months in cash.
3) Only indicate on the receipt that they paid for 1 month's rent.
4) If caught, profusely apologize and rewrite proper receipt, and find new target.
5) If not caught, pocket the cash that's over the amount of 1 month's rent.
6) Indicate in the files and in the deposit books that only 1 month's rent was paid, therefore giving you 3 pieces of evidence supporting your contention that said renter only paid 1 month's rent.
7) If necessary, deny deny deny!

Well, today I was caught. A tubby claims she paid for 2 months' rent at the end of June and should not be due until the end of August. Thankfully I have skillfully altered the records to show that she only paid for 1 month's rent. Y'all should have seen her. Tears. Yelling. Red faces. Oh, it was glorious. The entire scene was punctuated by her repeatedly saying she was gonna pay the bill, but she was "getting her shit and moving it elsewhere" and actually accusing me of "running a scam". Fuck yes bitch, I am running a scam, I got loans to pay off and you are worried about how much of your parents' money I skim off the top?

So one of the downsides to being in a small town is that you often get labeled as something. Sometimes it's flattering, sometimes not so much. I am officially "the storage guy" of Starkville now. Some of you might be "the whore" or "the asshole" or "the manslut" of your small town, but nothing compares to the pride I felt when I walked in the bar a few weeks ago, took about 3 steps, and heard "Hey! Your my storage guy!" Soon a totally awesome dude in a tight Affliction tshirt and a white flat-brimmed, oversized baseball hat is slapping me high 5s as I enter the bar. I felt like a rockstar. Ladies flocked to me wanted to learn more why a 26 year old with an engineering degree and a law degree would live at home and run mini storages. I regaled them with storied of my adventures before being denied a 3somes in my high school bedroom from a couple of hotties.

I'll be right back, I need a drink now.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(That many drinks later)

So last night I was the recipient of possibly great news. I was informed that my sister's best friend and former roommate is helping assimilate the Korean exchange students at MSU and will be taking them out to parties and bars all weekend. I'm just pretty stoked that they will (hopefully) not realize the negative stigma attached to being 26 with an engineering degree, a law degree, and still living at home running mini storages. I may even be able to convince them that my empire expands beyonds Starkville's walls, that the house is all mine, and that the MSU border paper on the walls is there because I just really like MSU so I had it specially ordered in the finest Italian wallpapering. Good Lord, that would be sweet. I can convince them my dad is my butler, and that Lint is a rare breed of miniature panthers that naturally only exists in Honduras, and I have 1 of only 10 in domestic captivity. Thank God for broken English.

Loyal followers, that's what I got for you.
The Tycoon